"So that My House might be Full"
Connor is many things: An exquisite dancer, a college student pursuing a degree as a Social Worker. A Volunteer Wish granter for Make a Wish. A wheelchair Boss. A lover of Jesus and Connor identifies as non- binary. This means they experience a gender identity that is not exclusively male or female. So I will be using plural pronouns to respect who Conner is and to tell the rest of their story.
It’s no secret that the Church has been very slow to accept people who are unique in their sexuality. Christian’s have cast out the LGBTQIA+ community from the four walls of their faith again and again. Instead of using the Gospel of Jesus to build bridges we have used it to build walls. We have cast verses like stones and those who would not comply with our interpretation of scripture have been punished with isolation and shame.
But here’s what the Father says about those who are welcome at His table:
“Bring them ALL back with you. Persuade the beggars on the street, the outcasts, even the homeless. Urgently insist that they come in and enjoy the feast so that My house might be Full.”
(Luke 14:23)
This is the Home you are inviting people into when you introduce them to Jesus. A space for all. Where the Father motions for us to scoot over so another child can join in. Where there are no magic words. No interrogation. No condemnation. Just an invitation and a Father who longs for His house to be full.
As much as I dearly love the Church, she has become an enclosed space with limited seating for too long and Jesus can often be hard to get too if you don’t fit in with the “normal” onlookers. So it is an honor and joy to join my friend Connor on the roof with the hope to create a skylight for the ones of us the crowds won’t make room for. We understand that in order to do that we will have to "take apart" theology that the Church has long used for protection and comfort. We will have to do some deconstructing to the framework of our thinking and how we have been taught to process those we are completely different than us. This is uncomfortable work because it will ask us to go after the secrets of God ourselves, instead of only relying on another person's experiences and definitions of Who God is. It will require us to have conversations with God where we completely empty our minds and hearts and let the Holy Spirit teach us anew about which beliefs are essential to relationship with Him and which are weighing us down and forbidding the church and our spirits from growing and living free.
Connor: First off, thank you for having such an open mind. God loves our questions and actually encourages us to ask!
Me: I am so excited for this! Thank you also for agreeing to share some of your heart here with us!
So tell me about the conflict you must have experienced when you began to question your gender identity?
Connor: I prayed my heart out. I prayed and fasted in hopes that if I did something right, maybe God would change the struggle. Maybe I would stop hating being female. Maybe, just maybe, I would be changed.
Me: And how do you feel God answered you?
Connor: So before my transition (though I tried to be the perfect Christian) I always felt as though God was on His throne looking down on me, waiting to catch me in a "sin" and to send me to hell. However, since accepting my gender. God has become a vital part of my life. He became a person to me. Someone who loved me and wanted to draw me to Himself, not for punishment but to feel His true love for me.
Me: I love that. I think whenever we become free we see God differently. Like we stop blaming Him for why we always feel so trapped and instead see He was the One Person always cheering us toward living without the cages.
So how do you handle Christians who would use the Bible to call you misinformed about your own gender identity?
Connor: This is probably the hardest question to answer.
When people come to me and attempt to bash me with scripture, I try to remember Jesus and his response to the Pharisees who attempted to use scripture to question His actions.
I attempt, though not always perfectly, to respond with grace and understanding. Knowing that for many of these people, they are doing what they think is, “love.”
However, I am also trying to find the balance of having boundaries with these individuals as well. It's not emotionally or mentally healthy for me to be surrounded by people who are always questioning and using hateful language on you.
Me: I agree. No one should be allowed to steal the peace you have with who you are and that’s really true for everyone.
So talk about how your new identity has changed your walk with God.
Connor: Aligning with my gender has truly impacted my walk with Christ. When so many people around you are questioning your relationship with Christ and even accusing you of not loving him, all you are left with is to cling all the harder to him.
Me: I think lots of people will be able to relate with that. It’s sad that so many feel like outcasts in a faith that was supposed to leave no one feeling like an orphan but people do feel abandoned all over the church.
If you could ask for one thing from the church as a person in the LGBTQIA+ community what would it be?
Connor: Well, everyone of us has the God given need to be seen, valued, loved and challenged by a community. I truly believe that God created both the Tribes of Israel and later on the Church as a way to address this need.
As a queer, nonbinary individual, I don't need anything extra from the church. Please just give me the same love, value, acceptance and attention as you would anyone else... no more and no less.
Sadly, much of the Church has swung to the side of hate, labeling it as "tough love." This however, is not Christ's reaction to anyone. Never in Scripture, do we see Jesus ignoring or giving a cold shoulder to others.
Me: That’s really powerful, “Jesus never gives the cold shoulder to others.”
It’s so true. I think we’ve adopted that term “tough love” to give us an easy pass at not taking the time to listen and understand. It’s hard work sometimes so we just prescribe amputation for even minor scrapes. “Just tough love,” as I excommunicate you over our differences.
Like you said there is no isolation in love. No fear in love. No anxiety in love. These are not how Jesus nurtures and cares for us.
This brings me to my next question though.
What do you think Christian’s biggest misunderstanding of you and of others like you is?
Connor: I would say that the biggest misunderstanding that Christians have for me and others within my community is that we don't believe in God or Jesus. This is highly false and extremely hurtful for Christians within the LGBTQIA+ community. Roughly 80% of those within the LGBTQIA+ community are religious and 60% are Christian.
The most hurtful assumption that I have received is that I no longer love Christ. That is so far from the truth. He has and is my savior and friend and to be accused of not loving him brings tears to my eyes!
Me: Your story is so beautiful to me because it’s a testimony that Jesus' love is not just a room full of people singing the same thing or words on a page but something that is actually empowering you and making you courageous and that’s evidence of a relationship with God that no one can dictate or take away.
Do you feel a difference since you’ve come out and changed your name?
Connor: Since coming out, I have felt so free. For so many years, I felt as though I was keeping a deep dark secret from everyone. I knew if people found out, I would be shunned, lose my job and friends.
However, the truth does really set you free
and for that, I am thankful!
Me: Amen! So good.
Tell me about what you believe God sees when He looks at you?
Connor: I believe that God sees His child, His creation, His unique masterpiece. I know that He smiles upon me, as a father would on his own child. I often see new parents with their first child shaking their heads and saying, "we made this?" At times I wonder if God does the same with each of his children. Not because he is surprised, but because of the pride of watching us grow into who He created us to be!
Me: Yes! What good parent doesn’t want their child to grow to be who they are. I love that so much!
Well thank you for taking the time to answer these questions. This has been so good for my heart and soul!
Beautiful to Me: Nicole Nordeman
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